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Everything is a work in progress.

I think all unsuccessful men over the age of 35 should be systematically exterminated.

If you’re heterosexual, over 35 years of age, not currently in a long-term relationship of some kind, and/or don’t have kids, you’re done. Congrats.

And to get everyone on board with this, we’ll start exclusively with the WHITE guys who fit this criteria. We’ll eventually expand this operation to include all races, but we’ll get rid of all the white guys first.

A person is demonstrably Who They Are by the time they’re 35. No man who was a true failure at 35 ever made it…

The best films are ones that surprise you with their brilliance. Pig is special. It features an old lion returning to form and a wicked new talent born into the public consciousness. I will remember where I was and how I felt upon seeing this for the first time.

Go into this movie knowing nothing. I’d seen no trailers, no reviews. Only word of mouth saying it was Cage’s best performance in years and a brief plot description. None of that spoils anything. This movie is not what it appears. I will do my best not to give anything away.

I didn’t really know who Anthony Bourdain was till he died. I was aware of him, but never watched anything he’d done save his cameo in The Big Short. After he passed I spent that summer watching Parts Unknown and really enjoyed it.

Bourdain was good at what he did but there was always this weird vibe around it all — rich people dining in barrios and slums and Waffle Houses before jetting private back to their 10k a night hotel suites. The man was a lottery winner and he knew it. He was a New York chef ex-addict who…

I hadn’t planned on going to see this, skipped it upon its release in May. I randomly saw a WEBM from the movie that was so ridiculous I thought it had to be fake. It wasn’t.

I loved Gillespie’s I, Tonya. One of my favorite movies of 2017. I also have a massive crush on Emma Stone, ever since seeing her smile at the end of Zombieland while The Black Keys played. I call her Miss Hollywood and have enjoyed watching her blossom from the secondary female lead in Superbad to an Oscar-winning A-lister. …

Marvel movies are like pizza and sex; even when they’re bad, they’re still pretty good.

Black Widow is pretty good and nothing else. It serves its purpose and doesn’t attempt to become anything more, because if it did, that would be a risk, and movies like this don’t take risks. They’re like mid-size sedans or dish soap or pillows. They’re put out with the expectation that the customers who buy them will know exactly what they're getting. They blend just enough art in with the commerce to pass as entertaining, but the commercial incentive never completely recedes from view like…

I’m glad the Lin Manuel Miranda wave has crested and crashed. The guy is not nearly as great as everyone made him out to be. He’s what happens when affluent white liberals want to ease their guilt.

This movie didn’t hold my attention. Checked my phone constantly, though maybe it was because this is only the third time I’ve been to the theater since March of 2020. I think I would’ve liked it way more in its original play form. …

I was familiar with this game but never played it. Primal Rage was my fighting game of choice in the 90s, and that’s a movie I’m hoping someone makes soon. But yeah I went in totally cold to this, saw the trailer where Sub Zero uses the frozen blood knife and that was good enough reason for me. No nostaliga trip.

What a ridiculously stupid and fun movie this is. It’s like 60 percent stupid, 40 percent fun. The stupid is prevalent the whole time, the fun saves the movie from being unwatchable. If these were characters that didn’t have…

*Possible spoilers

I’ve been a Godzilla fan since I was a wee one, and the MonsterVerse so far has been a disappointment to me, mostly because the movies couldn’t decide if they were grimdark or absurd fun for 12-year-olds.

This one finally succeeds because it picks a lane and sticks with it. It never pretends to take itself seriously. That would be a waste of time. This movie is loud, dumb fun and it doesn’t try to be anything else. And that’s exactly what it needed to be.

The humans never feel like they’re getting in the way; they serve…

*bunch of haikus based on my top 25 favorite albums

“out of time”

near wild heaven

i sat there looking ugly

but this film is on


man in the middle

stay all day if you want to

girl you’re so groovy


hello ohio

the last time i saw Jesus

esoteric love

“king james version”

still no plan in place

a kid in a carpet store

already spinning


you’re the tall kingdom

raise our heavenly glasses

diamond slippers on

“dizzy up the girl”

whisper in my ear

scatter like ice from the spoon

give up forever



The velvet underground plays

As I pinch a few extra bunches in


Spark the glow, producing a most

Satisfying crackle followed by the

Stankiest of plumes

Lou reed one…

Adrien Carver

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