Henry Warren Majors: An Essay from the Maya

Henry Warren Majors, the inventor, proprietor and caretaker of The Auburn Palace, is an imposing man.

Majors is imposing the same way a freight train is imposing — he’s big and black and difficult to stop once he gets going. He fills the room — he fills The Palace, really — and his eyes regard you with contempt and amusement. His frame dominates.

His skin is gloriously dark, his lips gloriously full, his beard gloriously black and unfathomable. He is a beautiful, mountainous example of unapologetic black power.

He sits in his quarters on his massive diamond throne. The Madames surround him.

He records his thoughts to the Maya. His voice is booming.

“Why I created the Palace…. was to fulfill biological imperatives… we are not bound by the rules of heavyspace any longer, and therefore we need to think outside the brain, so to speak. Outside the laws of physics. Every man could go through as many women as he deems worth competing for, and every woman can select the best possible man. Looks are not relevant as everyone appears their best and most youthful. But to answer your question more directly — ATTENTION. They are looking for their mother’s comfort and their father’s approval. ATTENTION. UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE ATTENTION.”

“THAT is the currency of the Maya. It was the currency of heavyspace with added layers. Money, treasure, resources, these are just methods. Means to an end. The average person, son, is looking for as much positive attention as they can handle. Why? All right, let’s go deeper. The average person — male or female — exists, simply to prolong life. And what is life? The purpose of life is to live. And therefore, the purpose of life is to create more life and therefore the purpose of life is sexual intercourse. To bang. To fuck. The stimulation of the most sensitive erogenous zones of the human body. And prime sexual selection is only optimized when attention is optimized. When as much attention has been commanded as possible. THAT is what everyone is after. THAT is what makes the world go round. It sells everything from cars to toothpicks. It’s the reason towers are built and cities are burned. Selection. Social proof. Dominance. It got us out of the slime. The orgasm is both life and death, in fact that’s what the french call an orgasm, le petit morte — the little death. What you are feeling when you have an orgasm is not only the involuntary spasms of muscular and nervous stimulation — what you are feeling is the birth of the universe itself.”

“Song is the meta of attention. Song evolved from the noises humans made during sexual intercourse. Song is a mating call, and the songs produced during The Long Surrender were the greatest and most far-reaching of any song produced. The farthest reaching mating cries. It’s why girls lose their shit when Elvis or Michael Jackson moved his hips. Which is why they are sacred to us now. And at The Auburn Palace, anyone can indulge in this most holy of interests, forever.”

“I immediately went to fantasy. Disneyworld was a huge part of my life, the ultimate sort of paradise, candy-coated, all that. But with true love. For grown ups. That’s essentially it.”

“A king needs an army. He summons only the most beautiful and skilled women to his Palace. They are given great powers. They become Anodynes. Then all of the men from all over the world come to seek their hand and climb the ladders of Allegiance. They must face a combat, a song. Trials of body and mind. Fail too often and get a white feather. That’s the premise.”

“The Hallelujah is the stimulation of the soul. It is the orgasm of existence. Right before the Veil, do you know what most people said they wanted evne more than an orgasm? A hug. Everyone wants a hug. Not sex. These women attract and heal the worthy. In many ways.”

“We live in a world where limits are gone. Unless you earned them in heavyspace. But you can climb Everest with Batman or have Keats as your oatmeal buddy.”

“Do we not view violence with mirth and flippancy? Do we not watch the suffering of others with curiosity and a morbid fascination with no actual respect or capacity for the emotions and trauma involved for those who went through it as mortals? Did you not have your throat slit seven times over before deciding to submit to shockness? Did that bother you or was it a nuisance?”