Movie Review: Star Wars — The Rise of Skywalker

Star Wars is not a religion for me. I saw A New Hope and Return of the Jedi as a kid. I saw the prequels in college. I participated as a good American consumer in these latest ones. I think they’ve all been Meh, though The Last Jedi was bordering on a genuine disaster.

I saw this movie on the second biggest screen in the country at the Emagine Novi.

It was exactly what I expected. It’s not good — it’s devoid of any real feeling though, like the commercials the theater plays before it, it imitates what it thinks are human moments, much like an AI that’s trying to pass as human. But it’s not bad enough to offend your consumer sensibilities. It’s like watching a really long commercial. You might be dazzled visually, but you will feel very little to nothing at all.

The inclusion of Carrie Fisher in this was cringe. I couldn’t stop thinking of that South Park episode with Chef where Isaac Hayes had already quit.

The actors do what they can with what they’re given. Adam Driver is already an A lister and will continue to be as long as he wants. Daisy Ridley and John Boyega will have B-lister careers and appearances doing photo ops at cons for 40 dollars a pop. Oscar Isaac was already established prior to these films and there’s a good chance that everyone will forget he was even in these films once Dune comes out, much like Robert Pattinson in Harry Potter/Twilight.

These new films are okay. They are corporate products whose sole function is to up stockholder value by exploiting the nostalgic tendencies of today’s embattled proletariat. People should leave the magic of their childhood where it belongs and stop trying to relive it. Create new memories and new film/TV franchises.

2/5