Rick and Morty Meet God

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, Morty,” Rick drunkenly sputtered.

“I don’t know, Rick,” said Morty. “I think we might have really done it this time.”

Before them stood God. They were both totally unprepared for this.

“I was totally unprepared for this,” said Morty.

“Shut up, Morty,” said Rick.

God was indescribable, but they knew it was Him they were looking at. The best way to put it was to say He was pure light and energy, but even that didn’t come close.

“Hello, Rick and Morty,” said God. “It’s nice to see you.”

“Fuck,” said Rick, his eyes full of God. “All those years thinking my own disbelief made me superior to others.”

“Everyone thinks their beliefs put them above others,” said God. “I do wish my followers would be more humble. There is more than one way to find Me, as you have just found out.”

“You mean atheists aren’t damned?” said Morty.

“No, of course not. I created everything, so that means I created atheism, too.”

“You created people that you knew wouldn’t believe in you?” said Morty.

“Oh, certainly,” said God. “If you give free will to your creations, it’s only inevitable that some of them will not believe. Especially if they don’t know how to look for you.”

“But this— urp — goes against every bit of quantum physics and all scientific discoveries of the past five centuries!” exclaimed Rick. “Your existence completely negates all of it!”

“No, it doesn’t,” said God. “Science is just a way of revealing Myself to you at a pace that you can handle as conscious beings.”

“But does this mean that string theory and evolution and everything else is — “

“I invented science, too,” said God. “I am in all of time and space simultaneously, every possible outcome, all at once. So yes, all of it is still true. My existence doesn’t negate anything — in fact, it requires it. And I have nothing but love for my creation. That was the whole point — to love you. So please don’t be afraid. ”

“Then why do you allow so many horrible things to happen?” asked Morty.

“Oh, I get that question all the time,” said God.

“Well, why?”

“Free will,” said God. “Once again, I set the pieces in motion and I can see how they will play out, but I choose not to interfere, except marginally and as an invisible influence. Futurama did a very good episode on this — to do My job right, I have to make it so no one even realizes I involved Myself. And I am trying to guide you all towards the good. It’s true, there is wickedness in Man, and there always will be. I designed you that way. But for every horrible thing that happens, many good things happen that you don’t hear about. It’s your choice, your decision, and I know someday you will all get it right.”

“That’s a cop out,” scoffed Rick. “It’s corny as fuck and I don’t buy it for a second. I — urp — gotta get outta here, Morty!”

“That’s all right,” said God. “I forgive you.”

“Come on, Morty,” said Rick. “Let’s get out of here so I can forget this ever happened.”

“You know, Rick,” said God. “I understand why you’re so angry all the time — you want to be loved but you feel you don’t deserve it. You’re afraid to open yourself up to others. That’s why you drink, to numb the pain of being unable to accept love. And you take your frustration out on your grandson, Morty. And Morty, you are afraid and that fear is turning to anger. You see yourself becoming your grandfather someday.”

Both Rick and Morty stared at God.

“Well, I want both of you to know that I’ve watched your adventures,” said God. “And though I think the writing is lazy and pedestrian and the animation is stock and frankly your whole show is complete bullshit and doesn’t deserve so be so popular… despite all of that, you are my sons, and so I do enjoy seeing you learn and grow. So think about what I’ve told you, and do please try to be better to one another.”

“Whatever,” said Rick. “Come on, Morty, let’s get the hell out of here.”

“I understand if you still refuse to believe in Me,” said God. “Some people need to know Me if they want strength. Others can find it within themselves to forage existence. But since I am in everything and everything is in Me, they are finding Me no matter what form it takes. So I’m fine with it either way. We will all be together in the end.”

“Morty, this is freaking me out,” said Rick. “I’m too much of an edgy anarchist drunk to cope with the emotions I’m feeling right now.”

God smiled at both of them. He didn’t have a mouth, but both Rick and Morty knew he was smiling.

“I’ll see you at the end,” said God.

“Oh, man, is that soon?” asked the always-nervous Morty.

“No,” said God. “Go in peace. There are many other worlds for you to explore and make zany, predictable, sophomoric observations about.”

“K, well, bye God,” said Morty as Rick shot his portal gun and they escaped the dimension they were in.