Talk Show

Hi, welcome to the show. We hope you enjoyed those advertisements. Please don’t forget to spend money and lube the economy every day. My guest tonight is yet another member of our team. We already know them and love them and agree with them on everything, so it’s guaranteed that there will be nothing except camaraderie and reinforcement of biases. Welcome!

Thank you.

Isn’t our team better than the other team?

Oh yes, indeed it is. Easily. No question.

What is it that makes our team so great?

Well, the fact that it’s our team, and that we’re all so much smarter and inherently superior to the other team.

Why do you think that is?

Well it’s just the way it’s always been. They’re inferior and we’re superior. We just understand things better than they do and always have.

I see. Why do you think they won’t come around to our way of thinking?

Well, it could be a number of things, but it’s mostly just the fact that we’re superior and they’re inferior.

Uh-huh.

And their knowledge of the inherent truth of the situation infuriates them, so they refuse to see things the way we do — the correct way —

Indeed.

— out of spite and out of sheer inferiority.

Mm-hmm. So how long has our team been around?

Oh, as long as hell. There’s never been anything other than these two teams, and there never will be.

And our team is the superior one.

Yes.

Why’s that?

Because it’s ours. It’s filled with people like us. And what’s more comforting than a room full of people who are like you?

Why did you join our team?

Well, it was clearly the superior team. And who doesn’t want to be superior?

(laughs) Certainly not me.

(laughs) Well, there you go.

What should we do about this other pesky team and their inferiority?

Well, there isn’t much we can do. They’re going to stay the way they are, and we certainly aren’t going to change —

Certainly not

— so it looks like we’re going to keep doing this for some time. But that’s good.

Why is that good?

Because without teams there can be no conflict. Without conflict, there can be no progress. Without progress, there is no existence. And it helps that both our teams create sufficient economic activity, as well. We wouldn’t want everyone to just start getting along. That would be devastating to the bottom line.

And who would want to get along with those inferior people on the other team anyway?

Exactly. So things have been this way for some time, and I think they’ll continue. It’ll change shape and appearance, but there will always be two teams and they’ll always be at odds with each other. It’s just the way the universe wants it.

Thank you so much for being on today.

You’re welcome.

Join me next week for another guest, also from our team, the superior team. Good night.